As you know, Brad and I are working towards a healthier life. Changes we have taken are going organic with food, eating at home as consistently as possible, and changing to cleaning products and toiletries that are free of chemicals. More recently we have started to get rid of the plastic containers and dishes in our house. Some time ago we decided that the amount of chemicals leaching into our food was not good, from using so much plastic. We skipped on over to The Container Store and purchased a myriad of glass storage containers. We promptly came home and got rid of a bunch of our plastic storage containers, most of it the gladware you buy for cheap at the store. We've kept some of the Rubbermaid and most of our Tupperware, but will not be heating in them, only using them for cool storage. We're also purging all of Cammi's plastic dish wear, her sippies, and plastic cups. She doesn't really need them now anyway. For trips when we need spill-less cups, we are buying these great stainless steel sippies. We are really excited about the changes.
We are also making the change with all our cleaning products. Going sulfate free and solvent free. Actually, I've been using vinegar, which is a great anti-bacterial cleaner, and baking soda to clean. A little lemon helps add a fresh scent. Though, I strangely love the smell of vinegar. Recently I cleaned our couch cushions, to rid them of a little accident odor, with a paste of baking soda, and a dabbing of vinegar afterwards. When it had all dried I used a stiff bristle brush to knock off all the baking soda, and vacuumed up the rest. Couch cushions are clean and odor free, and we aren't inhaling any chemicals. YAY!
Tonight I ordered Food, Inc. It's a documentary that examines the cost of putting value and convenience over nutrition, and the environmental impact. So eye opening. Amazon has it for $9.99 until midnight tonight (3/12/10). I recommend picking it up. It will change the way you view what you eat and what you buy. Oprah had a great show all about this very issue yesterday. I encourage all my readers (whoever you are...if I have any at all) to watch it online. http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/Food-Expert-Michael-Pollans-Food-Rules-Video/topic/oprahshow . Little changes like these are great for your body and for our environment.
Feb 27, 2010
Feb 24, 2010
Ships Ahoy!
Know what I absolutely adore and am consistently in love with, regardless of what is hot or trendy? NAUTICAL! I love the refined laid-backness, like you might go spend a lazy day yachting. Give me navy and white stripes any day of the week! To me, it just seems old school Americana. A little Ralph, Tommy, and St John rolled into a jibe-ho-swab-the-deck delight.
Imagine my overwhelming glee when I walked straight into a section of all nautical today, at Forever 21. Yahtzee for me! Actually, it was a section of nautical, mixed with marching bandleader chic, and a dash of Naval savoir faire. Red, white, navy, stripes, golden buttons with chain detail, white embellishments on Navy, dots, and my favorite...anchor buttons. Before long my arms were pregnantly full with more than I could carry. I easily could have bought the whole section, and spent a couple hundred dollars. I love F21 because it allows you to pick up those cute pieces for very inexpensive. Honestly though, most of these I would've paid the money for the more quality pieces, in a more quality store. I will wear these as long as I can fit into them.
I am sort of kicking myself for not buying this one fabulous navy sweater with a peplum and a keyhole back that tied with a grosgrain ribbon. It had these wonderful gold braided buttons on each side, pea-coat style, with blue grosgrain ribbon and gold chains that ran horizontally from button to button. Reminded me of classic Majorette uniforms, and my heart soared. Not sure why I decided against it? Probably to be conservative on the money side.
I might venture back that way tomorrow. Their site had some equally exciting pieces on it when I looked this evening. I might have to place a little order. I'm crushing on a bunch of items, especially this little gem of a sweater.
Imagine my overwhelming glee when I walked straight into a section of all nautical today, at Forever 21. Yahtzee for me! Actually, it was a section of nautical, mixed with marching bandleader chic, and a dash of Naval savoir faire. Red, white, navy, stripes, golden buttons with chain detail, white embellishments on Navy, dots, and my favorite...anchor buttons. Before long my arms were pregnantly full with more than I could carry. I easily could have bought the whole section, and spent a couple hundred dollars. I love F21 because it allows you to pick up those cute pieces for very inexpensive. Honestly though, most of these I would've paid the money for the more quality pieces, in a more quality store. I will wear these as long as I can fit into them.
I am sort of kicking myself for not buying this one fabulous navy sweater with a peplum and a keyhole back that tied with a grosgrain ribbon. It had these wonderful gold braided buttons on each side, pea-coat style, with blue grosgrain ribbon and gold chains that ran horizontally from button to button. Reminded me of classic Majorette uniforms, and my heart soared. Not sure why I decided against it? Probably to be conservative on the money side.
I might venture back that way tomorrow. Their site had some equally exciting pieces on it when I looked this evening. I might have to place a little order. I'm crushing on a bunch of items, especially this little gem of a sweater.
What I did realize during my little shopping excursion is that my accessory of choice, in my wardrobe, and my own personal style, is the cardigan. I own no less than 25, all different styles, cuts, colors. 2 of the 3 pieces I bought today were cardigans. Really, it is such a great little piece to own...keeps you warm, covers unsightly areas, can be layered - over or UNDER clothes. Layering my cardigan under things is my new favorite trick. Just a fun way to mix things up. My love affair with the cardigan began my freshman year in college. My mom bought me this great lightweight cream wool cardi, with the most feminine knit that reminded me of eyelet (yet another obsession of mine, mostly for summer). I wore that sweater until it had holes in the elbows. Sadly, I had to give it a nice funeral. After college I worked for the Gap. Twin sets were the must have, and lucky for me that meant lots and lots of cardies. I liked to mix my cardies with other pieces, not just the tank it matched. I was a Gap rebel. The work environment everywhere required me to always have one on hand. Buildings were always cold, even in winter, and especially in the heat of the summer. Cardies = stay cute and stay warm.
If you love the Cardigan as much as I do, I encourage you to pop on over to Forever 21 for some cute choices.
Feb 11, 2010
Lop-sided
After scrutinizing photos of myself taken recently I have come to the following conclusions:
1. My face is lopsided
Yes, I am aware that all of us are a little asymmetrical. But I could swear on a stack of dollar bills that my face is much more lop-sided than it was 5 or 10 years ago. My Mom made an observation while we were in Arizona that my left eyebrow is lower than my right. My whole life my left eye has been slightly less open than my right. And of course a mother notices things. But it was surprising that she made this sudden observation. Lately, I've noticed that my left side seems droopier than my right...but maybe I'm just imagining things. We all over scrutinize our appearance.
2. My face seems squarer and less oval
My whole life I've had an oval face. My sister has the round face real-estate in the bag. My face has always been longer and egg-headed. Every picture I look at of myself for the past 2 years...I see the shape changing, getting wider. I thought, "No, maybe it's just that I'm rocking the short cut." But I looked back on college photos where my hair is SUPER short. Oval. You would think...she must have gained weight...not so much. I mean yes, I have gained back the weight I lost a couple years back when I plummeted to 80 lbs. I would hardly say that 95 lbs would make my face blow up. Troubling. How does one's face change shape so dramatically? It's not like I got beat with a shovel.
3. I have creases in both cheeks
So I've never had dimples, never had anything but round apple cheeks. A couple of years ago I did have a cyst removed from one cheek, which cause a little bit of a dimple, but every single picture I look at for the past several years, I have these two deep lines that run the course of my cheeks. They are NOT attractive! Is this what happens when you lose a ton of weight, look like a skeleton, and then gain back the weight? Does it redistribute in strange ways??? Or is this just me aging? Is there a miracle cream for this??
What this amounts to is that I really dislike any picture taken of me. I usually am only in pictures so that the Petite doesn't say to me later, "Mommy, where were you in all these pictures?" I wish I could have an objective eye. Me looking at me, but not as me. Would I see these things, or would I not notice them at all?
1. My face is lopsided
Yes, I am aware that all of us are a little asymmetrical. But I could swear on a stack of dollar bills that my face is much more lop-sided than it was 5 or 10 years ago. My Mom made an observation while we were in Arizona that my left eyebrow is lower than my right. My whole life my left eye has been slightly less open than my right. And of course a mother notices things. But it was surprising that she made this sudden observation. Lately, I've noticed that my left side seems droopier than my right...but maybe I'm just imagining things. We all over scrutinize our appearance.
2. My face seems squarer and less oval
My whole life I've had an oval face. My sister has the round face real-estate in the bag. My face has always been longer and egg-headed. Every picture I look at of myself for the past 2 years...I see the shape changing, getting wider. I thought, "No, maybe it's just that I'm rocking the short cut." But I looked back on college photos where my hair is SUPER short. Oval. You would think...she must have gained weight...not so much. I mean yes, I have gained back the weight I lost a couple years back when I plummeted to 80 lbs. I would hardly say that 95 lbs would make my face blow up. Troubling. How does one's face change shape so dramatically? It's not like I got beat with a shovel.
3. I have creases in both cheeks
So I've never had dimples, never had anything but round apple cheeks. A couple of years ago I did have a cyst removed from one cheek, which cause a little bit of a dimple, but every single picture I look at for the past several years, I have these two deep lines that run the course of my cheeks. They are NOT attractive! Is this what happens when you lose a ton of weight, look like a skeleton, and then gain back the weight? Does it redistribute in strange ways??? Or is this just me aging? Is there a miracle cream for this??
What this amounts to is that I really dislike any picture taken of me. I usually am only in pictures so that the Petite doesn't say to me later, "Mommy, where were you in all these pictures?" I wish I could have an objective eye. Me looking at me, but not as me. Would I see these things, or would I not notice them at all?
Feb 3, 2010
Slimy pit
This blog entry will be neither intentionally funny, nor light. Just a forum for me to get out some things I've bottled up inside that I need out. I'm sure to some my thoughts will come off as uncaring. That couldn't be further from the truth, but I find myself in the deepest, darkest, slimiest of pits lately. The frustration of it all is that I just was lifted out of another pit that I lived in for too many years and I was so filled with joy to clean myself off and enjoy the light and the fresh air. Only too soon I found myself in a different pit, much more isolated and lonely and disheartening than the one I made my home in last time. This new pit I was shoved into. Each day I feel like I'm suffocating just a little bit more as the air gets more stale and the floor and the walls slimier. "I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand." Psalm 40:1-2 Please, O Lord, lift me out of this pit.
I've been struggling horribly with my miscarriage. I've been trying to be happy and excited for all my friends who are pregnant, but really I want to throw up and not be around them. It's so painful. It feels like a huge knife being plunged into my heart every time. I am happy for them. I am not angry at them. I just don't want to be around them. It's even harder to be around the ones who are around where I would be now, if not for the miscarriage. A constant reminder of what I don't get. A constant reminder that I will not hold that baby in my arms in this life. I know that I will when we are reunited in heaven, and that does bring a level of comfort, but it doesn't seem to stop the bleeding from the heart-wound of the loss. I get really angry at God sometimes. Why? Why did you have to take this beautiful life from me? Don't you care? Is this my punishment for the transgressions of the past? Then I quickly snap back to the reality that God is not punishing me. He loves me, more than I love my little Petite, more than I love my littlest Petite. How dare I question if he knows how this type of loss can hurt...OF COURSE he does. He gave his ONLY son's life for all of us. He is a God of love and the ultimate redeemer.
I wish that it didn't hurt so much to see friends, acquaintances, even celebrities who are pregnant. I wish that every time I see or hear a friend is pregnant that I didn't want to just find the nearest place to hide and weep until I can't cry anymore. I wish that I didn't feel so jealous and didn't want to go and hide away. I want to be happy for all my mommies-to-be. I want to talk all things baby and pregnancy and plans with them...but I feel like I'm being overly fake, and that I'm slowly dying inside. Forgive me girls for retreating inside my shell. I just can't seem to muster the joy within myself. I feel trapped in a room with no air, no lights, no windows or doors...and it's so cold in here and I'm in a tank top and flip flops. Couldn't be more miserable if I tried. People keep saying to me, "at least you have Cammi." Yes, I am so thankful for my sweet, precious angel. Thank you God for the beautiful little girl I have to hold in my arms every day. However, just because I have one child doesn't mean that the loss of my other child is any less painful. What would you say to me if that child had be lost at 6 years old?? To me the loss is no less devastating now. God knew that child just as I knew that child, regardless of how small. Each child is precious in their own way.
Not one day goes by that the first thought in my brain, the second I open my eyes, is not my sweet Violet. Yes, I named her. Though we did not officially know girl or boy, I know in my heart. She isn't just some nameless baby to me. She is my sweet Violet. You can think I'm crazy, but she will never be a nameless, faceless child to me. I know that is true of everyone I've ever known to lose a child, be it a miscarriage, or a stillbirth.
I know that God is already using me and my pain to help and comfort others. Recently, a dear sweet friend of mine miscarried. I am so sorry for your pain sweet friend. I know the darkest places you are and the darker places you will find yourself in soon. I know how you can feel lonely in a room bustling full of people and laughter. I know the feeling of all the breath leaving your body when you see someone else who is pregnant, especially in the time frame you'd have been. Feeling like you might not catch your breath this time. I know the feeling in the middle of the night when you worry that you might always feel empty in various ways. I know the way the evil one will use your fear and your grief to make it feel as though it's your fault. "So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy." John 16:22 God is with us. He's with our grief, with our sorrow. I am here, dear friend, whenever you need me.
I look forward to a time where I won't feel like I'll break apart at any moment. I look forward to a time that I can joyfully celebrate with my precious mommies-to-be, where the wound doesn't bleed and doesn't hurt so badly. I look forward to the anger and the loneliness to pass.
I've been struggling horribly with my miscarriage. I've been trying to be happy and excited for all my friends who are pregnant, but really I want to throw up and not be around them. It's so painful. It feels like a huge knife being plunged into my heart every time. I am happy for them. I am not angry at them. I just don't want to be around them. It's even harder to be around the ones who are around where I would be now, if not for the miscarriage. A constant reminder of what I don't get. A constant reminder that I will not hold that baby in my arms in this life. I know that I will when we are reunited in heaven, and that does bring a level of comfort, but it doesn't seem to stop the bleeding from the heart-wound of the loss. I get really angry at God sometimes. Why? Why did you have to take this beautiful life from me? Don't you care? Is this my punishment for the transgressions of the past? Then I quickly snap back to the reality that God is not punishing me. He loves me, more than I love my little Petite, more than I love my littlest Petite. How dare I question if he knows how this type of loss can hurt...OF COURSE he does. He gave his ONLY son's life for all of us. He is a God of love and the ultimate redeemer.
I wish that it didn't hurt so much to see friends, acquaintances, even celebrities who are pregnant. I wish that every time I see or hear a friend is pregnant that I didn't want to just find the nearest place to hide and weep until I can't cry anymore. I wish that I didn't feel so jealous and didn't want to go and hide away. I want to be happy for all my mommies-to-be. I want to talk all things baby and pregnancy and plans with them...but I feel like I'm being overly fake, and that I'm slowly dying inside. Forgive me girls for retreating inside my shell. I just can't seem to muster the joy within myself. I feel trapped in a room with no air, no lights, no windows or doors...and it's so cold in here and I'm in a tank top and flip flops. Couldn't be more miserable if I tried. People keep saying to me, "at least you have Cammi." Yes, I am so thankful for my sweet, precious angel. Thank you God for the beautiful little girl I have to hold in my arms every day. However, just because I have one child doesn't mean that the loss of my other child is any less painful. What would you say to me if that child had be lost at 6 years old?? To me the loss is no less devastating now. God knew that child just as I knew that child, regardless of how small. Each child is precious in their own way.
Not one day goes by that the first thought in my brain, the second I open my eyes, is not my sweet Violet. Yes, I named her. Though we did not officially know girl or boy, I know in my heart. She isn't just some nameless baby to me. She is my sweet Violet. You can think I'm crazy, but she will never be a nameless, faceless child to me. I know that is true of everyone I've ever known to lose a child, be it a miscarriage, or a stillbirth.
I know that God is already using me and my pain to help and comfort others. Recently, a dear sweet friend of mine miscarried. I am so sorry for your pain sweet friend. I know the darkest places you are and the darker places you will find yourself in soon. I know how you can feel lonely in a room bustling full of people and laughter. I know the feeling of all the breath leaving your body when you see someone else who is pregnant, especially in the time frame you'd have been. Feeling like you might not catch your breath this time. I know the feeling in the middle of the night when you worry that you might always feel empty in various ways. I know the way the evil one will use your fear and your grief to make it feel as though it's your fault. "So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy." John 16:22 God is with us. He's with our grief, with our sorrow. I am here, dear friend, whenever you need me.
I look forward to a time where I won't feel like I'll break apart at any moment. I look forward to a time that I can joyfully celebrate with my precious mommies-to-be, where the wound doesn't bleed and doesn't hurt so badly. I look forward to the anger and the loneliness to pass.
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