Private Benjamin

For some time I've been toying with the idea of making my blog a private blog, only to be seen by those who log in. Why, you ask? Why, after 3 years of blogging? The answer, my friends, is my children. I get this icky feeling that some weirdo could be reading my blog and somehow collecting information about my kids. As you know, if you've read my blog for any amount of time, I don't refer to my kiddos by name, only by nickname. However, in the past I have put up pictures of them. Does that invite trouble, I wonder?

There are reasons I prefer to keep it public. It's easier for my friends and family to access; I don't have to trouble my grandparents with a log in if they want to read up on my crazy thoughts; I know I have friends who read my blog but aren't "followers"; I am not so silly as to think that I have some kind of cult following and am a better read than the 20 bazillion other blogs out there.

What are your thoughts dear readers and friends (all 10ish of you)??

Hum Drum Mum

Today, I read an article regarding why mothers become the less fashionable counterparts of their former fabulous selves. I could definitely identify with the article and began asking myself, "Self, why have you become so hum drum?" As a former fashion student (yes I have 2 degrees in fashion related areas), I used to live for all things fashion. Getting dressed every day for work was fun and inspiring, and at times a little stressful. Cut to now, and you'd never believe that I once had some style. What happened? Where did I lose my way? More importantly, can I ever get back, or am I destined for "Mom jeans" and a bad haircut and pasty skin? Will I be that woman that people look at and cringe and think, "I bet she used to be cute and stylish before she had kids?"

Here are the top reasons I think I'm headed down the chute to the land of hum drum Mum.

1. Lack of time
Seriously, I have roughly 6 hours every day to get things done around the house before I have to pick up the Petite at school. Factor in two 45 minute - 1 hr feedings for the Bean and we are down to 4 hours. These four hours are spent rushing around the house trying to wash/fold/put away laundry, pick up the house, burp/soothe/change/wash baby, and hit the grocery store or run other errands. What it comes down to is that I usually have 30 minutes to shower, get dressed, put on some makeup, and figure out what to do with my hair. It takes 10-20 minutes just to dry my hair. Based upon all that, I usually end up with a 5 minute shower, no make up, and hair in a clip or ponytail before I RUSH off to carpool, praying I'm not so far back in line that I'm the last car for pick up. Some days I don't even wash my hair, yet it still incurs the same fate of clip or ponytail.

2. Lack of income
It was easy to keep up with the trends when I was gainfully employed. Let's not forget to mention that I worked for a retail company and could buy things at the employee store for a steal, and at the very least use my retail discount. I had a reason to look hip. Transitioning onto one salary has diminished the clothing budget. I love being a SAH Mom, and I don't often look back, because the time with my children is immeasurable. I'd be crazy to say I didn't miss the free accessories I managed to score, once upon a time.

Lack of income also means no weekly mani/pedi, and less waxing maintenance. I am now my own nail tech and in charge of taming my insane eyebrows. Finding a window of uninterrupted time to actually paint my nails nicely, and let them dry without possible smudges is almost a dream. When faced with the choice late at night to paint or sleep, I have to err on the side of sleep. Most days in carpool, you can find me plucking away the strays and trying to maintain some sense of eyebrow shape.

3. Just not sensible
Let's face it, 4" heels and cute dresses just aren't practical for keeping up with an active 5 year old, a 3 month old, and two dogs who manage to create more chaos than a black friday sale at Wal-mart. My heels still hang on the shoe rack on my closet door, staring at me everyday, in hopes that I might get a wild hair and put them on. Why, after 3 years, have I not moved them or given them away? I think because they are my last tie to my former fashionable self. Oh patent leather peep toe shoes, how I love you. They are old friends who share many a good story. I wore them every day, in every type of weather, and they went with everything. These days my footwear consists of two very broken in pairs of patent leather ballet flats, a pair of Dansko clogs, and some tennis shoes. Not what I would call ground-breaking style, but all are practical and comfortable.

I can now, at least, understand why some women let themselves go when they have children. I'm fighting like hell to stay relevant and hip in some way. I refuse to become totally plain and dowdy, though I feel that way more often than not. The next time you see me, please don't judge that I might have spit up on my shirt and my wet hair in a bun. At least I made it to the shower and put on something other than sweatpants. Someday I'll figure out how to be as stylish a mother as Victoria Beckham, again.

G-O-A-L-S!!

I have reached the quiet time in the day when everyone is in bed, and I probably should be too. However, I've been trying to get this particular blog entry written for over a week now. So, I'm going to take the time to knock it out. Besides, I tend to do my best thinking when the day is done and all is silent and restful around my house. Hear that? Exactly! The silence in GOLDEN.

I've really been thinking about what I want to focus on this year. Last year I had 9 goals, and did fairly well. This year I want to pare it down a bit and really focus on a few things. Without further ado...

2011 Goals

1. PURGE!
No, not food. I'm speaking about purging belongings, emotions, and all things that weigh me down. Do I really need all this stuff that seems to be cluttering up my house?! The simple answer to that is NO. I plan to go room by room and purge what isn't necessary. There are so many people and places that can really use what just sits around my house. Old emotions and emotional baggage need to go too. Things I've been holding onto that do me no good and keep me stuck in pits. This also includes relationships that are not constructive or positive.

Matthew 6:19-21 tells us not to store up earthly treasures, where moth and rust destroy it, or thieves steal it, but rather store up our treasures in heaven, where they will not be destroyed or stolen. For where our treasure is, there our heart will be also.

2. GET OUT OF DEBT
Sort of goes along with my first goal. Purge that debt. We get closer and closer every month to being completely debt free. This is the year it will happen!

Romans 13:8
Owe no one anything except to love one another.

3. TITHE EVERY MONTH
When times are tough financially it's hard to give what you feel you don't already have. I know better. I know that God is faithful. He will replenish what we joyfully and cheerfully give. I have to remember this. We will faithfully give back to God what he has faithfully provided to us. After all, what is ours is really His. I love this video and it's a great reminder that all we have is only on loan to us. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=upmyrinWq64

2 Corinthians 9:7
Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.

4. REBUILD MY SELF ESTEEM
I have battled low self esteem the past year. I'm not sure why, but it was at an all time low. This is the first time in a very very long time that I've not felt any worth. I know that God sees my worth, I just need to realize it.

Ephesians 2:10
For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

5. SPEAK WITH A GENTLE TONGUE
It may sound strange, but Michelle Duggar is a role model for me in some ways. Do I want 19 children, no? However, she is one of those mothers that I wish I could be, who speaks to her children with a gentle tone and gentle words, yet still gets results. I come from two FABULOUS parents...with a propensity for yelling and harsh tones. Unfortunately, being critical runs in my family blood, and I hear it come out of my mouth too often. My natural reaction when frustrated is to turn up the volume. While I am not one to be passive aggressive, I do have the ability to be demanding and critical. All things I want to eliminate, especially towards my children. I want them to learn to speak gently, because that is what they learn at home.

Proverbs 15:1
A gentle answer turns away wrath,but a harsh word stirs up anger.

There we have it. 5 goals to living more Christ-like in the new year. Last, I leave you with my scripture theme for the year. Thank you Andy Dalton for the inspiration!

1 Peter 5:6-7
Humble yourselves, therefor, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on Him because he cares for you.