Reflection on 2010

Let's take a look at 2010, shall we?!

1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before? use cloth diapers. It's been a really great experience, and I feel like I'm not totally killing the environment. I also had a second child...I've never done that before!

2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I had goals and I did pretty good. I think that will be another blog.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Me!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Thankfully no.

5. What vacations did you take?
Our summer trip to Canada had to be postponed due to my very sick pregnant state. We did take a lovely vacation home to New Mexico, spending the fourth of July with mom in Red River.

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
A job my husband loves to go to.

7. What date from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
October 29th. The day my Gemma was born!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Becoming a mother of two.

9. What was your biggest failure?
My self esteem was at an all time low this year. It's one of my goals this year to work to get it back up.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Just a really tough pregnancy. But it all ended perfectly with a very healthy baby girl.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
A new fence for our back yard. No more worrying about our fence possibly blowing away when it storms.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Brad and I, together. We worked very hard to stay on track with our budget, and worked towards being debt free. We are ALMOST there!

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
My continuing frustration with what is on TV and on the radio. I find myself becoming more irritated and appalled with the depravity in everything around us.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Living expenses. Do we spend unwisely? No. Thank you IBM for no raises.

15. What events did you get really, really, really excited about?
anything Cammi was doing, the birth of Gemma, Paine Family Christmas

16. What songs will always remind you of 2010?
Hey, Soul Sister - Train
American Honey - Lady Antebellum
Haven't Met You Yet - Michael Buble
Breakeven - The Script

All of Creation - Mercy Me
What Faith Can Do - Kutless
Get Back Up - Toby Mac
Forgiven -Sanctus Real

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
- Happier or Sadder? Happier
- Thinner or Fatter? A little fatter. Hey, I just gave birth!
- Richer or Poorer? Richer. God has blessed us immensely in life. Monetarily...it's a break-even.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Recorded the events of my pregnancy, more one on one time with Cammi because I don't get as much as I did, saved more $

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
wish I'd been less nauseated during pregnancy, but I had no control of that.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
I spent it with the Paine family!! Always, Always a fun family time full of chaos, shenanigans, food, festive head gear, laughter, smiles, and loving hugs. Nothing can beat A Paineful Christmas.
21. Who did you spend the most time on the phone with?
My mom and my sister.

22. Did you fall in love in 2010?
Completely. October 29th brought me a new love.

23. Where did you spend most of your time?
At school with the Petite. I had a great time helping out in her classroom the first half of the year. I also spent a lot of time up at the church on the various teams and with the various ministries I was involved with.

24. What did you watch on TV this year?
Glee, The Sing-Off, Private Practice, Gossip Girl, Project Runway, How I Met Your Mother, The Today Show, Biggest Loser, Greek, Late Night w/Jimmy Fallon

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
No. I don't hate anyone.

26. What was the best book you read?
Laura Bush's autobiography

27. What was your greatest musical discovery or rediscovery?
Bruno Mars, Lady Antebellum, and a ton of Christian artists

28. What did you want and get?
An EVO, new living room furniture, a new TV.
My best gift of the year was my sweet Gemma. Thank you God for the most precious angel!

29. What did you want and not get?
A bigger salary for my husband, who works so hard.

30. What were your favorite films of this year?
When In Rome, Date Night, Iron Man 2, Toy Story 3, Eclipse, and Despicable Me. Nothing in Oct-Dec because I was either gigantically pregnant or acting as the milk truck every few hours.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
My birthday was very low key this year. Turned 34. I honestly can't remember what I did.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Nothing. My year was incredibly blessed and satisfying.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
3/4 of it was spent pregnant, so I would say my fashion concept was anything that was comfortable, stretchy, and didn't cut into my abdomen.

34. What kept you sane?
My family and spending time with God.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most/least?
Kristen Bell. I rediscovered Veronica Mars this year.
Least - Kirk Herbstreit who is a total buffoon. You look like a bigger idiot now Herbie! Fear the Frog...hear me? FEAR him!!

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Do I have to pick one? Anything that had to do with Obama.

37. Whom did you miss?
My best friends that live far from me.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
My sweet friend, Melissa. She and I are kindred spirit and had a close bond from the first few minutes we met and talked. I am so incredibly blessed with her friendship.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010:
God is in control and when you put your trust fully in Him, all will be well, just like Jeremiah 29:11.

40. Quote a song that sums up your year:
FORGIVEN - SANCTUS REAL

Well the past is playing with my head
And failure knocks me down again
I’m reminded of the wrong
That I have said and done
And that devil just wont let me forget
In this life
I know what I’ve been
But here in your arms
I know what I am
I’m forgiven
I’m forgiven
And I don’t have to carry
The weight of who I’ve been
Cause I’m forgiven
My mistakes are running through my mind
And I’ll relive my days, in the middle of the night
When I struggle with my pain, wrestle with my pride
Sometimes I feel alone, and I cry
In this life
I know what I’ve been
But here in your arms
I know what I am
I'm Forgiven
I'm Forgiven
When I don't fit in and I don’t feel like I belong anywhere
When I don’t measure up to much in this life
Oh, I’m a treasure in the arms of Christ ‘cause
I'm Forgiven

Thankful

Every single day and every single night I thank God for the abundantly wonderful blessings in my life. While life has it's up and downs, there is much to be thankful for, always. My inner optimist has always been able to find the silver lining in life. With Thanksgiving on the horizon, here are the things I'm thankful for this season.

1. I am thankful for a healthy baby girl. She is perfect.
2. I am thankful that, despite three of us being sick, baby girl has managed NOT to get sick. Praise!
3. I am thankful for my parents who have given their time, love, and money to help us the past few weeks as we adjust to life as a family of 4.
4. I am thankful my mom has mad decorating skills, because my house looks so much hipper now.
5. I am thankful for a house to live in, a job for my husband, and food on our table. Many don't have these essentials.
6. I am thankful for my family group of friends. They have lavished us with such blessings over the years and in the past few weeks.
7. I am thankful my sister lives close and that we get to celebrate our holidays together, with all the traditions we've always known.
8. I am thankful for the true wonder of breastfeeding. I am thankful that we have it mastered and that angel baby has benefited from all the immunities she has received because of it.
9. I am thankful for a God that consistently shows me love, mercy, and grace. Without you I am nothing.

7 year itch

When I was a little girl I wondered what the man I married would be like. What would he look like? Would he be kind? Would he understand my sensitive nature? Would he be like my dad, or unlike my dad? Would he be a good father? What would he like to eat? What did he look for in a wife?

I have had nearly 10 years to answer all those questions, with a lifetime ahead of me to keep answering them. My husband is kind. The most kind and gentle of souls, something he gets from his mother. He's a man of intense integrity and compassion, always seeing the best in people, and wanting to understand and know the ones he struggles to understand. My husband is the kind of Christian man who strives to be an example of Christ in all he does...his words, his actions, his thoughts, his service, and the way he loves his family and those around him. He treats me with the utmost respect, and he has always understood my sensitive nature, even when other family members felt the need to apologize for it. His response, "I love how sensitive she is, it shows how big her heart is." He is the kind of husband who defends me, and puts me first. He is the first to be a comforting shoulder, even if he doesn't understand why I'm down. He is the spiritual leader in our house, and the first to suggest or offer up prayer. I love how gentle he is with both me and the petite.

My husband is the most amazing father! I seriously could not ask for better. He LOVES to be with the Petite. They spend hours laughing, playing, and loving. He's not afraid to discipline her, but he's also not afraid to love her and show her affection. They cuddle and talk about life often. What an amazing relationship he has with his daughter. He works hard to establish that rock solid relationship so that her relationships to come will be with honorable men of integrity, just the same kind of man he is. More than anything he is not afraid to show her his walk with Christ. The utmost relationship for her life.

We've been through some ups and some downs. We've been sideways and diagonal. Through it all my beautiful husband has kept the most faith in me, even in the times I didn't have faith in myself. I am so thankful for the man he is and the man he is becoming. I am so thankful that he's loved me all these many years, without ceasing.

Thank you my sweet B! I love you immensely. I know that we will have the marriage that God promised us. One that is described in Songs, one that is like Christ and the church.

I am my lovers and he is mine. SONG of SONGS 2:13

Happy Anniversary my love!

Favorite Beauty Products

Lately, I've seen a lot of articles on beauty products. Top tens of expensive products, drugstore products, must-haves, etc. I was inspired to fill in my 2 readers with MY favorite must-have beauty products that I love and swear by. You'll notice that a majority of them are one brand. While I am in no way a brand snob, I do like to jump around, I have become completely smitten with Mark. Without further ado...

1. ScandaLash Mascara by Mark

I have literally tried every mascara out there, save the really expensive ones. This little gem is not only affordable, it does NOT flake off into my eyes, which is key when I actually decide to wear my contacts. Plus it gives great coverage and looks great. Just brilliant!

2. Get In Line Liquid Eyeliner by Mark

I have used liquid liner since I started wearing makeup in high school. It's what I cut my teeth on. I am pencil liner incapable. Nothing is more Audrey Hepburn to me than liquid liner. The brush on this wand is nice and thin, so you can get a thin, demure line, or artistically thicken it up into a great cat-eye swoop. I discovered this at the same time as Scandalash. The great thing is that they hook up together to make one long tube. It's totally affordable and comes in a nice array of colors. My personal favorite is Cleo (black). Sometimes they'll come out with a deep purple, which of course I wear all football season.

3. MAC Liquid Eyeliner in Leatherette

This is the more expensive alternative to the Mark liquid eyeliner. MAC's liquid eyeliner has a marker tip applicator wand, which seems to make it draw on perfectly every single time, key for liquid eyeliner virgins. The color is dark brown, like supple dark leather. Super sexy! I buy this whenever I have the cash.

4. MAC eyeshadow in Satin Taupe

I spent the better part of 3 years searching for the perfect taupe eyeshadow before I happened upon this little gem of eyeshadow in a pot. First, all MAC shadows have GREAT pigmentation. They seem to last all day, which is a tall order for my face, which soaks up all my make up within 20 minutes. What I love about Satin Taupe is that it's a little bit shimmery, but not garish. It can be applied light for a neutral look or layered on for a very dramatic smokey eye. Plus, I use an shadow liner brush to line my bottom lid. Never looks too heavy.

5. NARS eyeshadow in Corfu

Weirdest name for a shadow, but the color is undeniably fabulous. Searched in Google, I found out that Corfu is a Greek Island named after a nymph, whom Poseidon fell in love with. Makes it sound so fabulous. Who doesn't want a nymph like quality now and then? My love for taupe shadow led me to Love when I saw this shadow. A creamy taupe with a slight shimmer, it layers up perfectly with MAC's Satin Taupe, or sweeps on lightly by itself for a delicate day look. The color is almost chocolate milk. It was well worth the splurge!

6. Flip For It by MARK

Mark developed this great little shadow/blush/lip color compact. I think I own almost every one they've released. My favorite is the fall combination from last year. Sadly, not sold anymore, but has the most delicious creamy gold and khaki green shadows in it. The brilliance of the Flip It is that you have your shadows and blush on one side, and your lip color (2 cremes and 2 glosses) on the other side, plus a huge square mirror that takes up the whole lid. Perfect size for your purse, especially with Mark's mini brush kit. Mark shadows do not disappoint. They keep pigmentation throughout the day and layer up nicely.

7. Shine Tube hook up gloss by Mark

I fell in love with this gloss 4 years ago. Since it hooks up to other Mark products, like the ScandaLash and Get In Line, I figured it was perfect for throwing in my purse or my desk at work. I got more than I expected. This gloss gives the perfect hint of color and shininess, as well as has the most amazing marshmallowy smell. I use it until I can hardly squeeze any more out. Marshmallow and Creme Caramel are my personal favs.

8. Glossblossom by Mark

A couple of years ago glosses came out that went on clear and ripened to various natural shades on the wearer's lips. I tried out Mark's version only to discover what a delightful concept this was. This gloss did, in fact, go on clear and turned my lips a very natural shade of ripened pink, almost as if I'd bitten my lips. Even after the gloss had faded, the pink stained color remained. I tried it on the Petite to see if the color was different on her. It, in fact, was! The gloss turned her lips the most precious color of natural pink, plus she loved having shiny lips. In comparison to more expensive brands, I found this one to be far better, and cheaper, to boot. Plus, it has a lovely fruity smell to it that makes it that much more fun to wear.

9. Juice Gems by Mark

Can you tell I'm a gloss junkie? This gloss is slightly more saturated in color than the previous two. I fell in love, instantly, with Cherry Pop, a rich berry red, and Berrylicious, a dark black cherry color. They are sheer, but pigmented without being too dark. Plus, they are thick without that tacky feeling, and have a fruity taste.

10. Gloss Gorgeous stay on lip tint by Mark

Another gloss, another Mark product. You can't go wrong with either, in my opinion. Here's what I love about this product...it's a stain and a gloss all at once. I love the packaging too. You click the bottom to distribute it into the brush at the tip, then glide on for easy application. I've been using Bare and Pop, but Mark did release two more colors that I'm dying to try.

11. Kissink Lip Tint by Mark

To round out the lip favorite category, a perfect stain. I use it as a base to really stain my lips, then layer a gloss over it. Stays on through eating and many glasses of iced tea. Perfect for hot summer days outside. Plus, if you are really crafty, and quick, it can double as a cheek stain, but you have to work fast. Kissink comes in a Berry, which is my favorite and very HOT right now, as well as Red. The red is not severe, and a good start for those craving red lips but afraid of committing to a red lipstick.

12. NARS Blush in Orgasm

Have you ever seen this color? My heaven's it is...WOW! A pinky-coral with a golden fleck. It really is orgasmic. Looks great on ALL skin colors. My mom is very fair with a golden peach complexion. She glows in this blush. I'm more olivey-yellow, and it makes me glow too. A true universal. Sometimes I just use this and some quick gloss on my lips. NARS also makes a gloss in the same color. I'll be trying that next.

13. Physicians Formula Yellow Stick Concealer

I understand this doesn't work for all skin colors, but for us olivey-yellow gals, this is a dream come true. Peachy concealers leave me looking like I have big circles around my eyes and don't even come close to covering the dark circles. What I like about the Physicians Formula stick concealer is that it's a little thick, but not cakey. The yellow covers up the dark circles, and I usually dab a little flesh colored concealer in just to help blend.

14. Physicians Formula Pressed Mineral Powder

I spent the better part of 10 years completely and utterly devoted to Prescriptives Color Match foundation and loose powder. Why? Cause it was blended specifically for MY skin color which, as you know, is somewhere between olive and yellow-ish. Regular store foundations NEVER work for me. They are way too peach with pink and red undertones. It was so much fun to see them blend up my color from scratch. Why did I stop using it? Couple of reasons...price, I discovered mineral makeups didn't make me break out, and the most traumatic...Prescriptives stopped the color match system. Heartbroken doesn't even cover it. So, I was forced to find an alternative. I don't wear foundation anymore, just powder. Guess you could say I returned to my mountain girl roots. Physicians formula makes this great translucent mineral powder that works wonderfully with my yellowy skin. It's light, fairly inexpensive, and doesn't make my face break out.

15. Mark Kabuki Brush

I have a couple Kabuki brushes. I love them. They really make powders go one evenly, plus they are divinely soft. Most are fairly pricey. When Mark came out with theirs I was INSTANTLY in love. What makes it so fab, you ask? It retracts and doesn't lose it's shape, and is totally affordable. All you do is pull down on the bottom and the tube pulls up over the brush so you can slide the cap on. When you are ready to use again, remove cap and push the brush out. Brilliance! I own 5 of them. One for powder, one for blush, and 3 just in case. I keep one in my travel bag.

16. Make It Go Away Wipes by Mark

Ever used a make up remover, more specifically an eye make up remover, that was so gloppy that you felt like you had just put Vaseline in your eye?? Gross. The other frustration I have had with make-up removers is that they don't remove the make-up, most specifically mascaras, which can be a bear to get off. Enter Mark's wipes. They get off ALL my eye makeup, and not just my Mark products. These wipes will remove the toughest of waterproof mascaras, with one or two swipes. They don't sting your eyes, nor leave any residue! I've found that I can cut the wipes into quarters to make them last even longer because I use them mainly for removing my eye makeup.

17. Clarisonic Face Brush

You've not experienced heaven while washing your face, until you have used this brush. I have extremely sensitive skin, and I have to be really, really careful about the products I use and the methods in which I cleanse my skin. Right after I miscarried my skin went berserk. All the hormones my body was getting rid of, and all the stress of the miscarriage caused me to start breaking out in these PAINFUL red cyst-like blemishes. Talk about low self-esteem. I happened to be in Arizona with my mom and she encouraged me to use her face brush. The gentle massaging of the brush felt good and helped to relieve some of the pain. I kid you not, after 2 days the cysts started to recede. Didn't change my face soap at all, just started using the brush. My mom sent me a brush of my own and I've never looked back. It comes with a brush head for sensitive skin, and one for regular skin. Plus, it's totally portable, and you can take it in the shower. Everyone should have one! Mine's pink with my name on it.

18. Lotus Shield Frizz Control Serum by Avon

I've tried a myriad of serums and frizz control products. I have thick hair, which by nature is curly and wavy, and prone to frizziness and just outright chaos. I do not have wash and wear hair. This girl laboriously blow dries and straightens her hair EVERY SINGLE DAY. It's a process that takes upwards of 30 minutes or more. Just drying my thick hair takes a good 15 minutes. Living in a humid climate most of the year does me no favors. If it's rainy, or threatening to rain, I don't even bother and just throw my hair in a ponytail. I needed a product that didn't weigh my hair down, didn't feel gloppy or look greasy, and was light and easy to work with. Enter Lotus Shield. My mom, who sells Avon/Mark (ahh, you just got the connection didn't you?!) asked me to try it out when it was on demo. I thought, sure, what the heck! FELL. IN. LOVE! I use it on the Petite's hair too. She's got the curliest, thickest hair for a little one. It smells good, which she likes, and most importantly, tames her curls. I put it in when her hair's wet, and by the end of the day, despite playing and all she goes through, her hair is STILL in perfect curls. RUN to buy this product. It's also great for straightening hair and taming the fly aways.

Top Ten

I started this entry about a month ago, but due to the fact that Shanny and Whonja have now updated their Top Ten, I better get a move on it. Without further ado....

1. ALEXANDER SKARSGARD

Thank you True Blood and Sweden for this beautiful man. I never miss an episode of True Blood...for obvious reasons. Writers...would you just get Sookie and Eric together already! Bill is nowhere half as interesting or gorgeous as Eric. Team ERIC! Enough said.

What I'm about to say is a HUGE statement. Alexander has slid into my #1 spot, above Ryan Reynolds, who has been my reigning crush for at least 10 years. I know, it's almost blasphemy...but not.










2. RYAN REYNOLDS

Oh Ryan, how beautiful you are! This man is so beautiful that even straight men admit to man crushes. My husband thinks he is the coolest dude and never says no to an RR movie. Funny, witty, and sexy. Triple threat. Who doesn't love Ryan Reynolds? What made his stock drop slightly with me? His wife. It's not THAT he's married, it's WHO he married. I cannot stand her breathy, annoyingly coy-at-all-times voice, and she plays the same character over and over. I just don't get it.












3. ADAM LEVINE (of Maroon 5)

Let's get it out there, this man is an INCREDIBLE songwriter, and that falsetto...never sexier! I own every Maroon 5 album and know all lyrics by heart. There are those singers out there that get you with the sound of their voices...he's that for me. But let's add in some other things that make him equally as heart stopping. Tattoos. In the past several years he's gone from a clean canvas to a sleeve and a half, and numerous other tattoos. Eyes. He's got the smouldering, intense look of a man with a lot of subtext behind those eyes. Overall, he's got that sweet face of an angel, but you know there's a bad boy lurking beneath quality. *shivers* Oh, and his lips.









4. DAVE NAVARRO

Again, it's the tattoos. Any man secure enough to wear and actually pull off eyeliner while still maintaining his badass-ness has got my vote. Let's also throw in that he's uber smart and can grind an axe with the best of them. He totally won me over when I watched an episode of cribs and he had a bowl of feminine products for his "female" friends to use so they wouldn't feel awkward. Thoughtful gals, just thoughtful.












5. JOSHUA JACKSON

Team Pacey all the way. Dawson drove me up a wall. JJ is gorgeous and his smile is worth a million $.


















6. JUDE LAW

He seems like a total player, but I can't resist that sexy Britsh voice/lisp and smouldering good looks. He melted me in The Holiday. He's oozes cool and somehow manages to make a hairy chest attractive.
















7. DAVID BECKHAM

It should be illegal to look like this man! Mad soccer skills, tatted up, fashionable, and usually missing a shirt...what's not to like? He's better for me if he doesn't speak. His voice doesn't match up, but I'll overlook that. Plus, I love his wife.















8. CHRIS LOWELL

Who, you ask? Not the interior decorator that looks like the guy from the Princess Bride, that's Christopher Lowell. I speak of the super cutie from Veronica Mars and, more recently, Private Practice. I was a little miffed when they killed him off this past season. He got me with those expressively gorgeous eyes and those plump, kissable lips. Plus, have you seen his hands. Something about them are just....wow. I know, so odd, but this is my list.












9. ZAC EFRON

Yes, I'm a 16 year old girl. I feel a little wrong for this one, cause he's so young, but come on girls let's be honest...he's delish. 17 again did it for me. He's a little hottie.















10. JASON BEHR

He's not been in much commercial stuff lately, but that is why I own all 3 seasons of Roswell. He's a dish. Again, it's the subtext in his eyes that won me over...like so many. Some people just say so much with their eyes. A pool of intrigue in them.

A Return to My Granola Roots?!

As much as I love granola and yogurt in the morning, this is not a blog about my fascination with Greek yogurt. I recently read a trend report I subscribe to, completely about footwear popular in the 90s, that has been spotted on trend pioneers. Namely, Birkenstocks and Tevas. Oh, how the mention of these two brand names takes me back to high school and my need and desire for both brands. A friend of mine would call this "hippie wear" and laugh mercilessly now if I were to break out my old friends and adorn my feet with them. Apparently the old school versions of both are coming back in a BIG way. Both Birkenstock and Teva have updated their lines, made more modern versions, yet still offer the versions I wore as a mountain-loving, campfire partying, off-roading up Pipeline girl of 17. Throw in some cutoff jean shorts and a flannel shirt and you get the picture.

Seriously, we wore Birks and Tevas every day, save the deep snow days. Those deep snow days were reserved for our hiking boots. And yes, pretty much all 356 people in my graduating class owned hiking boots, Tevas, and Birks. Good times. I'm sad to say, and admit, that we did wear socks with our Tevas and Birks...mostly in the winter, not with shorts looking all crazy nerdy scientist-like. Yet, the faux pas is still inexcusable. I will give grace to classic Birks worn in winter with wool socks, but really just put on some warm shoes.

Could I wear these relics of the past again? A couple of years ago I got a hankering for a new pair of Birks. I pretty much ran my high school pair into the ground. Yes, Birkenstock will resole your sandals, but mine were beyond help. The cork was totally busted on one side and one strap was worn so thin at the sole it was barely hanging on. It was time to move on from the old style to something new. I found some styles I liked, but when I tried them on in-store, I felt incredibly granola and very unhip. My style's changed over the past 16 years. I'm more Charlotte York than Santa Fe local.

I did look at the Birkenstock website again today. I'm loving the Gizeh thongs and Mayari toe loop sandals. Chasing around and keeping up with an active 5 year old doesn't really lend itself to peep toe heels and wedges. Maybe I'll be more open to Birks this time.

As for Tevas, the closest I'm gonna get is the new flip flops my Mom bought me this weekend. I recently found my high school originals while getting ready for our garage sale. I put them on and laughed heartily. They were well worn with part of the Velcroed strap peeling up and the sole detaching from the upper due to summers of cliff jumping at East Forks. I looked down and found them to be the UGLIEST sandals I'd ever worn. Though I still had a love in my heart for the memories they brought me in my youth.

The conclusion here is that I'm definitely not a Teva girl. I'll leave the classic Tevas to the mountain communities and up and coming trendsters of the world. I've taken my turn with them. I might possibly revisit the Birkenstock way of life. Maybe I can figure out a way to wear them with my pearls and circle skirts. Either way, I will cherish the memories I had in both shoe brands.

Snaggletooth Toes

If you are close to me you'll know that the one thing that grosses me out immediately is long toenails. I'm not kidding, anything past the pad of the toe will make me cringe in horror and revulsion. I cut my toenails short, and not just short, more or less to the quick. My husband lets me nowhere near his toes with the clipper, claiming I make him bleed. My petite has no choice, but I've also trained the quick on her toes not to grow up as far, so I can cut her toenails to the appropriately short length. At no time should I feel my toenail bumping up against my shoes. I'm not sure when my short toenail eccentricity began, I've just always needed them short, as far back as I can remember. Maybe it started sometime around when I began running with my mom. It was our bonding time. I think I was around 7 or 8. Ever run so much that you bruise your toenail? The only way to relieve that pressure is to drill a hole in your toenail. It doesn't hurt, but it's just a nasty, smelly experience. I have to take a guess that it led to me cutting short. Over time it developed more into an OCD- Emma Pillsbury- type obsession.

So what has me on such a subject today you ask? Seeing peoples poorly pedicured start-of-spring feet. If you're gonna start wearing sandals, take the time to at least cut & file. Today, at the mall, I saw the gnarliest man toes ever. Really, these things were downright werewolvish. I honestly don't know how Mr. Wolf could get his feet in anything but sandals, so it's a good thing that's what he had on...for him...but not for my sensitive eyes and stomach. I so badly wanted to go buy him a toenail clipper and insist he cut them right there. No one wants to see your snaggletooth toenails. I am so grateful for men with nicely kept toes. My old boss at the Gap, he had the most perfect toenails. We had many a conversation about bad toenails. He shared my disgust for poorly kept feet. He was a pedicure type of guy. Even my very manly guy's guy brother in law gets pedicures, and if he can and still hold onto his man card, ALL of you men can go indulge yourselves in a pedicure. Do it for your loved ones so we don't have to feel your claws up against us at night.

My distaste for long toenails also extends to the most ridiculous sight I have ever had the experience of witnessing, acrylic toenails. Really? You need to make your toenails longer??! I get the occasional acrylic toenail if you've lost one of yours, or half of one, but it really does not need to be obvious. This couples along with the most ridiculous pedicure choice, the french tipped toenails. Again, why do I want to make my toenails look long? I shake my head whenever I see women with french pedicures. I'm the traditional, get a solid color type of girl...with a cute little flower for flair. My belief is that french tips belong on fingernails, and nowhere else.

With all that said, I'll be going for a pedicure tomorrow and trying not to gawk at all the women with their long talon toenails and their ridiculous french pedicures. I'm thinking a nice violet for my tootsies.

He Is Risen!

What a GLORIOUS day! He is Risen! Hallelujah!

Nothing moves me quite like the story of Christ's Crucifixion and Resurrection. Any reading or movie or representation of these two events completely moves me to tears. We had the most beautiful video of the sacrifice and gift our sweet Lord Jesus gave for us, today at church. I sat in my seat with tears streaming down my face for 5 minutes. Whenever I think about what Jesus did for me, for everyone, I am overwhelmed. We see it in glossed over movies, he's taken to the cross, he dies, he is resurrected and we all smile. But have you ever watched the more graphic depictions of what is in the bible? Yes, I think Mel Gibson is certifiable, but The Passion of the Christ really summed up for me the absolute suffering He endured. The scourging, metal and sharp bone, ripping his flesh to ribbons. The Romans beat him to near death. Can you imagine being so beaten, so tormented physically, that you are seconds from death? Then being forced to pick up a wooden beam you are demanded to carry it to the site of your death. I weep as I write this, shuddering at the pain and the sorrow he must have suffered. When I think of the thick steaks driven through his wrists and ankles, I nearly vomit...first at the utter horror of what one human can do to another, out of fear and hatred, then in sorrow and frustration for the physical pain he endured and felt.

The image of my Christ on the cross, so beaten, so fragile, is pure anguish. I think of his mother and the suffocation she must have felt in her chest at seeing her precious angel in such a horrific place, for which she could offer no help. How helpless and frustrated and grief stricken she must have felt. Nothing is more painful than seeing your child in any sort of pain. You automatically want to take that pain from them, no matter the cost. Which is exactly why God gave his son, for the rest of his children. Which is exactly why Christ gave himself for us, to ease our suffering. Oh Lord how magnificent and holy you are, and how unworthy and undeserving am I! Thank you for enduring the unbelievable, the unimaginable for me.

There is nothing more magnificent to me than my Christ who willingly gave his life. I want to live my life serving my sweet God, loving him and loving others.

I love the song "Jesus Paid It All." The chorus reminds me of just what I have in a life with Christ...

Jesus Paid It All

All To Him I Owe

My Sin Had Left A Crimson Stain

He Washed it White As Snow.

Top 10 food addictions

Yes, even very skinny girls like me have food addictions. Please don't roll your eyes, I have been blessed with a high metabolism (thank you very much Mommy and Daddy). And believe it or not, as I creep up into the mid to upper 30s I do have to watch what I eat. But none-the-less I have food addictions that I cannot turn a blind eye towards. So here it goes:

1. Cheese

Every kind and any kind of cheese. Omigosh Cheese!!!! It is my drug of choice. I don't drink, I don't smoke, I'm not addicted to drugs - prescription or illegal, I don't gamble, etc etc. In the words of Adam Ant "Don't drink, Don't smoke, what doya do?" I eat cheese, and lots of it. More specifically soft cheeses. They are HEAVEN to me, and hell to my intestines and my skin. But regardless of those set-backs I am perfectly happy to sit down with a plate of Brie, Mozzarella, and Camembert and some water crackers and sliced apples, over anything else. At weddings you can usually find me loading up on all the yummy cheeses and skipping the rest of the buffet. It's about this point my husband shakes his head and says, "Babe, you are going to be so sick later." He's right, but I go temporarily stupid and decide the benefits outweigh the consequences. Cramps schramps...I've birthed a child, right?! RIGHT! Just like people who consider themselves wine connoisseur, I would call myself a cheese connoisseur. Wouldn't it be great to open up a cheese bar?! I thank God for cheese every time I indulge. Because EVERYTHING is better with cheese!

2. Chile (green or red)

Okay, this is not your Texas-beans-and meat variety. That is chili. Chile is the actual chile from the pod. And as a New Mexican born and bred girl I LOVE and crave my chile. Luckily, we did not live far from Hatch, NM - the chile capitol of the world. So we always had chile on hand, fresh, roasted, and peeled. DELISH! If you travel to my fair land of enchantment you will hear, "red or green?" They mean which chile do you want with your meal? Depends on my mood, and sometimes when feeling especially undecided I go Christmas (read: a little red, a little green...a lot caliente!) NM chile is not for the faint of heart. It's HOT! Chile is good on everything and anything. We ate it with every single meal, like bread. Yes, even with spaghetti and things that don't seem to lend themselves to chile. Because like cheese, chile also goes with everything. So do yourself a favor and get yourself some chile. You will understand why I do NOT eat crappy Tex-Mex food. Lucky for me and my sister, who also live here in Texas, Central Market has a Hatch chile fest every year. Yes, we do go snatch up the Hatch. We'd be crazy not to.

3. Salami slices

God bless Salami. I don't buy it in the deli to eat on sandwiches. I prefer to indulge in it a la carte. I get a 1/2 lb of hard salami sliced thin at the deli, every trip at the grocery. I can down it in roughly a week, if I pace myself. The urge to sit down and eat the whole 1/2 lb is tempting. Throw in some cheese....WOW, it's like a buffet of sinfully bad food that is so incredibly satisfying. Sure it gives you bad breath, but I love it too much to care. That's what God gave us toothbrushes and toothpaste for. I'm sure my arteries clog just a little more with each slice...can't a girl enjoy one bad thing??

4. Metromint water

Okay, technically not a food, but it does go in my mouth to my belly when I eat. I discovered this delicious bottled water about 2 years ago. Funnily, my sister had shown up at my house with it, to which i promptly turned up my nose. Should've known it'd be the death of me later. Most things I adore are things I turned my nose up at in the beginning...Gossip Girl, Roswell, Veronica Mars, Lox, Lady Gaga, and skinny jeans. No "mint" water can outscore the taste of Metromint water. WOW, it's just...WOW! It comes in 6 flavors: Spearmint, Peppermint, Chocolatemint, Orangemint, Lemonmint, and Cherrymint. All are delicious, but Orangemint and Lemonmint are my personal faves. I love when Sprouts and Whole Foods has Metromint on sale. Even my little petite loves the "minty water," as she calls it.

5. Fresh Cut Coconut

DELISH! Recently we've attempted to go all organic with our food. We're now buying a majority of our food at Whole Foods. With that said, I find myself snatching up all sorts of delicious fruit and veg. WF has a whole section with pre-cut fruits, and to my delight...coconut. I first fell in love with fresh coconut when I visited my sister in Hawaii. She was living there and we took a little trip to the Polynesian Cultural Center where we had fresh coconut. HOLY COCONUTS BATMAN! I can sit down and eat a whole little tub of coconut in one sitting. The best part, there's nothing to feel guilty about afterwards. And it goes with everything! DISCO!

6. Butter Lettuce

Completely my lettuce of choice. I happened upon this tasty leafy green this fall when we ducked into the Cheesecake Factory for some dinner with the parentals. Their menu completely overwhelms me. Really 100-some choices? Give me a menu with 1 page and I'm satisfied to find what hits my hot button. But I digress. This lettuce is velvety soft, has a buttery taste, and all but melts right in your mouth. This is Paula Dean's wet dream. The drawback is that it's darn near impossible to find out of season, even at Whole Foods where absolutely anything produce-wise is available. Lucky for me it's just come back in season. In my opinion the hydroponic version is the best. I know I know....you can make all the pot jokes you want, but this leafy green is legal and delicious.

7. Chicken Salad

I consider myself a chicken salad expert. I have tasted chicken salad at nearly every single restaurant in the states I've visited, and even in Canada. It comes in all sorts of forms, spicy, oniony, sweet, nutty. All deliciously sinful. But my favorite is only found in Fort Worth, at the one restaurant I do not miss when I'm in Frog town, and that is at Yogi's Bagel Cafe. Not the one on Bryant Irvin, but the original on Hulen, across from Stonegate. Yogi's opened my senior year in college. It was just across the street from my apartment complex, and I couldn't have been happier. No cure for a hangover was better than a 12 o'clock lunch at yogi's with the girls. I rarely order anything other than my ultimate favorite...chicken salad on a plain bagel, toasted, with lettuce only. MMMM! They hand shred their chicken and mix it with a bunch of deliciousness, including lots of pepper. (side note: i hate pepper normally) It's like a culinary explosion in your mouth. Oh how I wish I were in FW now. This little humdinger of a sandwich is a pre-game ritual during football season. I should have picked one up before I headed to Phoenix for the Fiesta Bowl....

8. Lox

Sure, to some raw smoked fish sounds nauseating and foul. To me it's nothing short of spectacular. Funny story here is that the first time I was introduced to Lox was when I was in high school, by my Grandpa's very quirky friend. He brought it over for breakfast with fresh bagels and fresh cream cheese. I was repulsed. Sometime during college I gave it a try and fell head over heels into the pond. How can you beat it? Protein, Omega-3s...

9. Lobster

My first taste of lobster was on my 13th birthday. Mom said I could go anywhere for dinner, and order anything. We went to Anthony's on the Delta (mouth is watering right now), and I ordered the lobster. Mom said she'd eat it if I didn't' like it. The first bite was buttery, creamy, succulent deliciousness. I proceeded to put down the whole thing. If you know me, I'm a very small woman. Me at 13, even smaller. Probably 4' 6" and maybe 80lbs at best. Thus, started my love of Lobster. This is my go-to special meal for any special occasion. Birthday, Anniversary, Valentine's day, any body else's birthday. Thankfully for me, my father-in-law and my daddy love steak. What goes better with steak than Lobster?! Slide that red shelled princess my way and watch me go crazy. Brad once took me to a nice restaurant where my menu consisted of Lobster Bisque, Lobster, and Lobster salad. If they'd had a Lobster cheesecake you bet I'd have indulged. I'm hoping to acquire the nerve to make some Lobster on my own, Julia Childs style. I can't bear the thought of plunging a razor sharp knife into it's little Lobster brain. For now I'll let that happen in the restaurant kitchen.

10. Nana's tortillas

No list of mine, about food, would be complete without my Nana's tortillas. I cut my teeth on them. She makes them fresh, and always has. They are thick, soft, and taste like nothing you could get in any store. Really, they have ruined me for any other kind of tortilla. Occasionally I'll be lucky enough to receive some in the mail, and she always sends me home with a dozen or two when I'm in NM. Just like the chile, we ate every meal with Nana's tortillas. Some houses had french bread or good old sliced bread, we had tortillas...fresh made. The oddest thing about my family is our favorite tortilla treat, tortillas with chunky peanut butter, folded in half and nuked in the microwave for 10 seconds until the PB is sticky. It's heaven! My Nana doesn't even have to ask when I come in the house, if I want some PB with my tortilla. The PB has been kept in the same cupboard at the end of the kitchen, on the 2nd shelf my entire life. Creamy is for Papa, Chunky for the rest of us. How I wish I had one to eat right now. Someday I'll perfect them, but they still won't be Nana's.

The Healthy Life

As you know, Brad and I are working towards a healthier life. Changes we have taken are going organic with food, eating at home as consistently as possible, and changing to cleaning products and toiletries that are free of chemicals. More recently we have started to get rid of the plastic containers and dishes in our house. Some time ago we decided that the amount of chemicals leaching into our food was not good, from using so much plastic. We skipped on over to The Container Store and purchased a myriad of glass storage containers. We promptly came home and got rid of a bunch of our plastic storage containers, most of it the gladware you buy for cheap at the store. We've kept some of the Rubbermaid and most of our Tupperware, but will not be heating in them, only using them for cool storage. We're also purging all of Cammi's plastic dish wear, her sippies, and plastic cups. She doesn't really need them now anyway. For trips when we need spill-less cups, we are buying these great stainless steel sippies. We are really excited about the changes.

We are also making the change with all our cleaning products. Going sulfate free and solvent free. Actually, I've been using vinegar, which is a great anti-bacterial cleaner, and baking soda to clean. A little lemon helps add a fresh scent. Though, I strangely love the smell of vinegar. Recently I cleaned our couch cushions, to rid them of a little accident odor, with a paste of baking soda, and a dabbing of vinegar afterwards. When it had all dried I used a stiff bristle brush to knock off all the baking soda, and vacuumed up the rest. Couch cushions are clean and odor free, and we aren't inhaling any chemicals. YAY!

Tonight I ordered Food, Inc. It's a documentary that examines the cost of putting value and convenience over nutrition, and the environmental impact. So eye opening. Amazon has it for $9.99 until midnight tonight (3/12/10). I recommend picking it up. It will change the way you view what you eat and what you buy. Oprah had a great show all about this very issue yesterday. I encourage all my readers (whoever you are...if I have any at all) to watch it online. http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/Food-Expert-Michael-Pollans-Food-Rules-Video/topic/oprahshow . Little changes like these are great for your body and for our environment.

Ships Ahoy!

Know what I absolutely adore and am consistently in love with, regardless of what is hot or trendy? NAUTICAL! I love the refined laid-backness, like you might go spend a lazy day yachting. Give me navy and white stripes any day of the week! To me, it just seems old school Americana. A little Ralph, Tommy, and St John rolled into a jibe-ho-swab-the-deck delight.

Imagine my overwhelming glee when I walked straight into a section of all nautical today, at Forever 21. Yahtzee for me! Actually, it was a section of nautical, mixed with marching bandleader chic, and a dash of Naval savoir faire. Red, white, navy, stripes, golden buttons with chain detail, white embellishments on Navy, dots, and my favorite...anchor buttons. Before long my arms were pregnantly full with more than I could carry. I easily could have bought the whole section, and spent a couple hundred dollars. I love F21 because it allows you to pick up those cute pieces for very inexpensive. Honestly though, most of these I would've paid the money for the more quality pieces, in a more quality store. I will wear these as long as I can fit into them.

I am sort of kicking myself for not buying this one fabulous navy sweater with a peplum and a keyhole back that tied with a grosgrain ribbon. It had these wonderful gold braided buttons on each side, pea-coat style, with blue grosgrain ribbon and gold chains that ran horizontally from button to button. Reminded me of classic Majorette uniforms, and my heart soared. Not sure why I decided against it? Probably to be conservative on the money side.



I might venture back that way tomorrow. Their site had some equally exciting pieces on it when I looked this evening. I might have to place a little order. I'm crushing on a bunch of items, especially this little gem of a sweater.

What I did realize during my little shopping excursion is that my accessory of choice, in my wardrobe, and my own personal style, is the cardigan. I own no less than 25, all different styles, cuts, colors. 2 of the 3 pieces I bought today were cardigans. Really, it is such a great little piece to own...keeps you warm, covers unsightly areas, can be layered - over or UNDER clothes. Layering my cardigan under things is my new favorite trick. Just a fun way to mix things up. My love affair with the cardigan began my freshman year in college. My mom bought me this great lightweight cream wool cardi, with the most feminine knit that reminded me of eyelet (yet another obsession of mine, mostly for summer). I wore that sweater until it had holes in the elbows. Sadly, I had to give it a nice funeral. After college I worked for the Gap. Twin sets were the must have, and lucky for me that meant lots and lots of cardies. I liked to mix my cardies with other pieces, not just the tank it matched. I was a Gap rebel. The work environment everywhere required me to always have one on hand. Buildings were always cold, even in winter, and especially in the heat of the summer. Cardies = stay cute and stay warm.

If you love the Cardigan as much as I do, I encourage you to pop on over to Forever 21 for some cute choices.

Lop-sided

After scrutinizing photos of myself taken recently I have come to the following conclusions:

1. My face is lopsided
Yes, I am aware that all of us are a little asymmetrical. But I could swear on a stack of dollar bills that my face is much more lop-sided than it was 5 or 10 years ago. My Mom made an observation while we were in Arizona that my left eyebrow is lower than my right. My whole life my left eye has been slightly less open than my right. And of course a mother notices things. But it was surprising that she made this sudden observation. Lately, I've noticed that my left side seems droopier than my right...but maybe I'm just imagining things. We all over scrutinize our appearance.

2. My face seems squarer and less oval
My whole life I've had an oval face. My sister has the round face real-estate in the bag. My face has always been longer and egg-headed. Every picture I look at of myself for the past 2 years...I see the shape changing, getting wider. I thought, "No, maybe it's just that I'm rocking the short cut." But I looked back on college photos where my hair is SUPER short. Oval. You would think...she must have gained weight...not so much. I mean yes, I have gained back the weight I lost a couple years back when I plummeted to 80 lbs. I would hardly say that 95 lbs would make my face blow up. Troubling. How does one's face change shape so dramatically? It's not like I got beat with a shovel.

3. I have creases in both cheeks
So I've never had dimples, never had anything but round apple cheeks. A couple of years ago I did have a cyst removed from one cheek, which cause a little bit of a dimple, but every single picture I look at for the past several years, I have these two deep lines that run the course of my cheeks. They are NOT attractive! Is this what happens when you lose a ton of weight, look like a skeleton, and then gain back the weight? Does it redistribute in strange ways??? Or is this just me aging? Is there a miracle cream for this??

What this amounts to is that I really dislike any picture taken of me. I usually am only in pictures so that the Petite doesn't say to me later, "Mommy, where were you in all these pictures?" I wish I could have an objective eye. Me looking at me, but not as me. Would I see these things, or would I not notice them at all?

Slimy pit

This blog entry will be neither intentionally funny, nor light. Just a forum for me to get out some things I've bottled up inside that I need out. I'm sure to some my thoughts will come off as uncaring. That couldn't be further from the truth, but I find myself in the deepest, darkest, slimiest of pits lately. The frustration of it all is that I just was lifted out of another pit that I lived in for too many years and I was so filled with joy to clean myself off and enjoy the light and the fresh air. Only too soon I found myself in a different pit, much more isolated and lonely and disheartening than the one I made my home in last time. This new pit I was shoved into. Each day I feel like I'm suffocating just a little bit more as the air gets more stale and the floor and the walls slimier. "I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand." Psalm 40:1-2 Please, O Lord, lift me out of this pit.

I've been struggling horribly with my miscarriage. I've been trying to be happy and excited for all my friends who are pregnant, but really I want to throw up and not be around them. It's so painful. It feels like a huge knife being plunged into my heart every time. I am happy for them. I am not angry at them. I just don't want to be around them. It's even harder to be around the ones who are around where I would be now, if not for the miscarriage. A constant reminder of what I don't get. A constant reminder that I will not hold that baby in my arms in this life. I know that I will when we are reunited in heaven, and that does bring a level of comfort, but it doesn't seem to stop the bleeding from the heart-wound of the loss. I get really angry at God sometimes. Why? Why did you have to take this beautiful life from me? Don't you care? Is this my punishment for the transgressions of the past? Then I quickly snap back to the reality that God is not punishing me. He loves me, more than I love my little Petite, more than I love my littlest Petite. How dare I question if he knows how this type of loss can hurt...OF COURSE he does. He gave his ONLY son's life for all of us. He is a God of love and the ultimate redeemer.

I wish that it didn't hurt so much to see friends, acquaintances, even celebrities who are pregnant. I wish that every time I see or hear a friend is pregnant that I didn't want to just find the nearest place to hide and weep until I can't cry anymore. I wish that I didn't feel so jealous and didn't want to go and hide away. I want to be happy for all my mommies-to-be. I want to talk all things baby and pregnancy and plans with them...but I feel like I'm being overly fake, and that I'm slowly dying inside. Forgive me girls for retreating inside my shell. I just can't seem to muster the joy within myself. I feel trapped in a room with no air, no lights, no windows or doors...and it's so cold in here and I'm in a tank top and flip flops. Couldn't be more miserable if I tried. People keep saying to me, "at least you have Cammi." Yes, I am so thankful for my sweet, precious angel. Thank you God for the beautiful little girl I have to hold in my arms every day. However, just because I have one child doesn't mean that the loss of my other child is any less painful. What would you say to me if that child had be lost at 6 years old?? To me the loss is no less devastating now. God knew that child just as I knew that child, regardless of how small. Each child is precious in their own way.

Not one day goes by that the first thought in my brain, the second I open my eyes, is not my sweet Violet. Yes, I named her. Though we did not officially know girl or boy, I know in my heart. She isn't just some nameless baby to me. She is my sweet Violet. You can think I'm crazy, but she will never be a nameless, faceless child to me. I know that is true of everyone I've ever known to lose a child, be it a miscarriage, or a stillbirth.

I know that God is already using me and my pain to help and comfort others. Recently, a dear sweet friend of mine miscarried. I am so sorry for your pain sweet friend. I know the darkest places you are and the darker places you will find yourself in soon. I know how you can feel lonely in a room bustling full of people and laughter. I know the feeling of all the breath leaving your body when you see someone else who is pregnant, especially in the time frame you'd have been. Feeling like you might not catch your breath this time. I know the feeling in the middle of the night when you worry that you might always feel empty in various ways. I know the way the evil one will use your fear and your grief to make it feel as though it's your fault. "So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy." John 16:22 God is with us. He's with our grief, with our sorrow. I am here, dear friend, whenever you need me.

I look forward to a time where I won't feel like I'll break apart at any moment. I look forward to a time that I can joyfully celebrate with my precious mommies-to-be, where the wound doesn't bleed and doesn't hurt so badly. I look forward to the anger and the loneliness to pass.

Lost in Translation or, Why I don't drive to Dallas anymore

Today made me wonder how I could have worked in Dallas for 3 years, yet still gotten as lost as a new freshman on a college campus. In my defense, my dermatologist's office is ridiculously impossible to find. It amuses me to no end how they tell you that it's on the corner of Royal and Preston, when in reality it's tucked behind three buildings, 2 on Preston, one on Royal. The truth of the matter is that the building is on the corner of Confusion and Lost as hell. It's not like this was my very first visit. I've been going to this dermatologist at least once a year for the past 3 years.

I knew good and well that there was a possibility I could get a little turned around looking for the office, so I allowed myself a cushion. I figured if we got there early it would give the Petite enough time to gobble down some lunch, thereby reducing my chance of a mid-afternoon meltdown. At first, I was going to take Preston south, to avoid tolls. What you don't understand, if you don't live in the Dallas area, is that Preston is one freaking long road with more stoplights than a red light district. (lightbulb just went on as to why they're called red light districts) I quickly decide, after going 3 lights south of 121, that it will take me the rest of the afternoon to get to Dallas the long way. So off I divert to the Tollway. A couple of tolls are worth my sanity for the following reasons: 1. not having to stress about time, 2. not having to worry about a possible nuclear meltdown from my 4 year old, 3. less chance of getting stuck behind grandma slow, who is inevitably ALWAYS driving down Preston, south out of Frisco.

My first mistake was getting on the tollway. I completely and totally missed my exit and had to turn around at the last tollbooth headed south, thereby nullifying my brilliant plan to save on tolls. I exited Lovers with plenty of time to go and patted myself on the back for the well thought out plan. Happy Petite=Happy Mommy=Happy Afternoon. Did I double check the address before I left? No, I know where I'm going. I know Dallas. Cake. It's right about the time I roll up on Preston and Lovers that I realize....Damn, I boo-booed. Quick diversion through the Turtle Creek neighborhoods sends me on a wild goose chase back to Preston...second mistake. I end up much further SOUTH of where I need to be and am still going south. Wait a tick, the houses are getting nicer and bigger and "Frick, I'm in the wrong area!" Here we go again, turning around and heading back NORTH on Preston. About this time the Petite pipes up and says, "Mommy, are we lost?" "No no sugar bear I know exactly where we are." Under NO circumstance do you let the preschooler know you are confused and more turned around than the night you had too many double vodka sevens and ended up with the worst case of bed spins. Why, for the life of me, can I not freaking remember the order of streets south of 635. Is Royal north or south of Lovers? FRICK! FRICK! FRICK! I can name every single street, in order, north of George Bush, but I am suddenly forgetting every street south of 635.

I'm watching the numbers on the clock spin by as I try and motor my way up Preston. Here's the more humorous part....I know that my doctor's office is directly across Preston from the Gap at Preston and Royal. I spent one whole day completely remerchandising their floor when I was a Gap store manager. So why I cannot remember where the heck I'm going is beyond me. By the pure Grace of God the lightbulb goes off in my head..."I wrote the address in my calendar (on my phone)." Score one for me! And super yay for a little invention called Google Maps.

We're 5 minutes late and we are barrelling up Preston with screech around the corner at Royal. Of course, when we hit the parking lot every single parking spot south of the Mason Dixon line is taken. It's now that I have to give precise instructions to the Petite. "When we get parked we are going to have to RUN." "Like a Gazelle Mommy?" "Yes, Gazelle intensity baby, Gazelle intensity." (she's a Dave Ramsey kid). We manage a space, catapult out of the car, and hit the ground running so fast that Cammi's practically whipping along behind me like a scarf end in the wind. We hit the door and head down the hallway of the building. "MOMMY!!!" I look into one very sad and panicked face. "I only have one Polly." *cue the river of tears about to flow* We started out the trip with 4 Pollies. She's been patient this whole CFed trip. I hurry back to her only to realize that her little Polly Pocket purse has a huge hole in it. Luckily as I look out the door to the building I can see two of the missing bodies. So here goes Mommy following a trail of Polly Pockets back towards the car, as if we'd left them there to remember our trip back to our North 40 parking spot. Polly Pockets are gathered, Petite is happy, and we make it only 8 minutes late.

Our trip home was less traumatic and we made it home without incident. I think I need to go drive around in Dallas monthly just to help me remember where I am when I descend south of 635.

95 lbs of girly evil

It's that time of night again. The hour where I look at the clock and tell myself, "I should have been in bed 2 hours ago, what am I still doing up?", but continue to play the SNOOZE game...just 5 more minutes. Do I have anything interesting to contribute this evening? Probably not, but since it's my blog you will listen to me because I can.

This time of night is often my favorite time. Why? It's quiet. No one bugs me. I can do and watch whatever I want. Usually happens in this order.... try and delete some of the 700-some emails in my inbox until my eyes cross from boredom. After 4 years at a job where I did nothing but answer emails ALL DAY LONG, I tend to neglect my email. When I finally get bored with my email it's a quick check of FB and Twitter, where I spend another 30 minutes catching up on all my celebrity gossip. Between that and inevitably re-watching my favorite DVRed episodes of Gossip Girl, I fill my drama quota for each day. And by drama I mean the downright lascivious and brutal backstabbing only Blair Waldorf can bring.

Which sorta parlays me into my next thought at this late hour....is it just me or does GG suck this season???! TJ and I recently had this conversation. Blair and Chuck have gone soft. I want the there's-so-much-sexual-tension-between-these-two-you-could-gag Chair. Yeah yeah it's great to see them finally together, but honestly I rather enjoyed watching Chuck annoy the hell out of Blair while she did a poor job of pushing away his advances. No one character, as stated in an early post, is more drippily sexy and intriguing than Chuck Bass. And not ONCE this season has he uttered "I'm Chuck Bass." I want Queen B back too. Her attempts to take over NYU have been watery at best. Did the writers forget that if you google revenge you get blairwaldorf.com??? Seriously people I'm tired of watching Serena 's drama. It's BOOORING, but I do thank you for all but writing whiny Jenny out of the show.

Who is this Gaga wannabe on Jimmy Fallon?!! Blasphemy people. Blasphemy.

I digress... So my late night pattern is...check email till eyeballs bleed, check FB, check Twitter, 1/2 watch Gossip Girl/Greek/Glee for daily drama, eat a bowl of cereal. Realize around 1 am I am tired as hell and that the Petite will inevitably be up in 5 1/2 hours. Urgh. Defiantly drag myself upstairs to bed where after moving small dog, who amazingly hogs whole large bed, manage to drift off to sleep.

I suppose I should actually try and get some sleep since I've spent most of the last week sicker than a dog, channelling Darth Vader when I breath because I'm so stopped up, with a voice that sounds like a 1-900 girl. Novel idea that rest and sleep might be the fast track to health.

*bows* Namaste

A new year, the time when everyone chooses to make changes. I never make resolutions. Mostly cause I can't remember the dang things months later. So I like to make myself goals for the year. I know, po-tay-to po-tah-to. At year's end I can see how I've fared.

2010 Goals

1. Work-out.

Last year I began a year long sweat fest with a "hot yoga" membership. Once I got past the dizzingly strong urge to pass out cold (ironic I know) in the 98 degree room with 62% humidity, I actually found that this was the perfect place for me. I am always the right temperature while everyone else is always freakishly hot (read: I freeze my ass off everywhere while everyone else is comfortable). The 98 degree room was like heaven to me, and no one was around to groan and tell me to turn the heat down. Yahtzee! Added bonus: I suddenly became the same gumby-like elastagirl from my youth.

Sadly, I practically had to mortgage my house to enjoy my little tropical getaway. This year I'll be enjoying the meat market they call a fitness gym. I've had a little preview at my Aunt's gym in Phoenix. Oh, how I look forward to laughing my belly flat at all the peacocked look-at-my-big -muscles gym divas (yes men). The ones who practically kiss their own muscles as they curl their 50 lb barbell. Then they sit on the nearest machine they can find trying to catch their breath, trying to be convincing that they are really just mentally preparing for their next show-off performance. You all look like a bunch of tools from my perspective on the treadmill. I expect this little adventure will provide me with many a hearty laugh. Hey, it's good for my health, right?!

2. FB less

Facebook, not Football. Good heavens, never will I watch less NCAA football. The season is over and I am in my mourning period. One would be wise to just leave me be until post season ranking are out. But I digress... I spend way too much time wasting my life away on FB. We'll see if I can manage to cut down the status updates to at least once a day. It's my own personal challenge.

3. Become Paula Deen

I did not inherit the cooking gene. I recently saw a commercial for a show called "Worst Chef in America." I've given serious consideration to entering. I'm not so tragically bad that I can't make the basics, but to say I "know" how to cook is a lie at best. This girl can easily follow a recipe, it's the creating a meal with different dishes and nutritional content that trips me up. I can usually get the main course made and served, but that's about all your getting. Luckily the boy will eat anything short of cow brains, and the petite sticks to her five food groups: mac-n-cheese, oatmeal, yogurt, applesauce, and bananas. Guess I have some time before I have to worry about critics.

4. Be positive.

Eliminate all negative things from my life. Look always to the glass half full. Speak positively to my family even when I want to hang them by their toes. Try to remember that I am NOT the head or even ON the planning committee for my life, so lighten up when things don't seem to go as I imagined. Remember Jeremiah 29:11.

5. Get out of debt.

We are so darn close it's tangible. If past friends can make it out on about what we have, we can too. Gazelle intensity people, gazelle intensity.

6. Go to bed early

Somehow in the past year and a half I've managed to regain my night-owl crown. I see 1 am more often then not, but unfortunately for me I cannot snooze the call of the petite. Whilst I am glad that she is agreeable enough to climb in bed with me and watch the mind-numbing torture called Dora, so I can get in another hour, I am pretty sure that dreams of a stereotypically chubby Hispanic girl who can't match her clothes is NOT quality sleep. Early sleep would allow me the opportunity to avoid having to hear her squeaky voice....Dora's not Petite's.

7. Quiet time every day

God always finds time for me, but I struggle to find time for him. Not good. Somehow I think that my day would be much clearer if I plugged into my power source for more than just a quick drive by. Think a homemade hearty meal vs a stop for a quick drive-through meal. Nothing can quite be as nourishing as digging heartily into the Word and simmering on some God soup. He is my creator, my protector, my father, my redeemer. This goal should really be my number one goal for the year. I know all others will fall into place when this one is priority. #7 is the new #1. And isn't it divine that it is number 7, as 7 represents divine things throughout the bible over and over. I've got your number big guy...or should I say, you have mine!

8. Finish reading all my half started books

I am notorious for starting books, then hearing about another, starting it, and so on and so on. I am usually simultaneously reading 5 books at any given time. What this amounts to is a stack of half bitten into books on my bedside table and in my car. Yes, my car. No time is better for reading and soaking up a good book than carpool. I get there 30 minutes before school lets out to get some good reading in. I'm sure many think it's to get my child on time so she doesn't have to be the last kid picked up...alas no. It's so mommy can have her reading time. You can find me doing my bible study homework in carpool on any given school day afternoon. To the Petite's benefit, she is usually one of the first kids in her class picked up, if not the very first. The next 6 months of school should give me enough time to finish all my half eaten apples of knowledge.


9. Have date night EVERY week

Seems so easy when you say it. Seems so easy when you don't have kids. If we knew then what we know now... My advice to all my married friends who don't have children yet, start this practice immediately!! This, along with nightly couch time, is paramount to your marriage. So as an added addendum to this goal, I also hope to have couch time at least 4 nights a week. As parents you really have to carve out time to make your relationship with your spouse the priority. We've been aiming at date nights every Wednesday night for months now. Our success rate is probably 20% at best. Something always gets in the way. So big prayers we can manage a little getaway together at least once a week, even if it's just down the road to Taco Bell and back.


10. Clean and organize "the black hole"

This darn room in my house has haunted me since the day we moved in. Originally, it was our "study." Since the birth of our daughter, it has slowly morphed into the catch-all it is now. Every time we try to organize it, somehow it explodes all on it's own. I WILL contain it this year. I WILL organize it and make it a functional room to which I can leave the door open once again.

Theme for the new year: "But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; the will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31