the harder days

Some days are easier than others as a stay at home mom. Today was not one of those easy days. I was so very blessed not to have a cholicy baby, but sometimes I wonder if I have a cholicy toddler. I am certain she is similar to me at this age. She is very sensitive to tone and to inflection. Too much of a harsh one can be very damaging and will send her into a meltdown. The days that she doesn't obey, that she outright goes over the line, and repeatedly defies, it's so hard for me to know what to do because she is so sensitive. I try to put her in time out, I try to be patient, I try to be firm. It get to the point where I begin to feel helpless. She works herself into a frenzy and I wonder....do I go hold her, or do I put her in her bed to calm down, because sometimes she just needs to be held. Today she was very whiny and very melty. It's so hard to find the energy to keep disciplining when you have been listening to the low whiny wail of your 3 year old all day long. I get to a place where i sort of give up and give in. I hate that. I want her to learn to obey. I know she can. The thing is that she does obey at school. Faultlessly. Never any bad reports. I don't know how to make her understand that the rules at school and the rules at home are the same, or very similar. It's the whining though that just makes me want to cut my ears off so i can't hear her. It's that whine that gets way down into your spine and makes your whole back hurt. The kind that makes you feel like your head might explode and then brad will come home and find pieces of me all over the room. He'll say, "I know exactly what happened to her...she blew up because each whine was like a pump of air to her head and eventually her head just exploded." I feel awful for getting to the place, sometimes ,where I wish that I couldn't hear her whine. I often think, "Why don't I have a mute button?" And then I feel bad. Because what a blessing to have a child that can express herself, who doesn't lack a sweet voice that I get to hear tell me, "mommy I love you!", nor lacks the ability to tell me because she is hiding inside and can't come out.