Devastated

The worst happened today. Our doctor's office confirmed that the bleeding was a miscarriage. My hgc levels plummeted from 110 to 33 in less than 42 hours. I've never felt sadder in my life. This loss is like a jagged knife to my heart. I know in my head that there is nothing I did wrong or could have done right, but my heart is having a really hard time with this. I feel like this loss is my fault. I had optimistically hoped that the bleeding and the cramping stopping was a good sign. Perhaps a positive sign that everything was okay. I don't honestly know what to make of this and my heart hurts so much. Right now it feels like this pain will never go away. Though I never held this baby in my arms, I still lost a beautiful life. A beautiful child. And I am trying so hard to remember that a day will come when we are reunited with this precious angel again in heaven. But it doesn't stop my heart from wanting the baby here with me. I wouldn't wish this upon anyone.